What if it's cancer?

I've been known to play "google-a-disease" fromtime to time.  You might too if you werein my shoes.  My mother died at age 56from stomach cancer (originally diagnosed at age 14), her mother died at age 57from ovarian cancer and her mother's sister died at age 57 from uterinecancer.  My maternal great grandmotheralso died of some kind of female cancer but I've lost track... According tothese odds, I'm in the golden years of my life. That's one of the reasons I'mwalking in Relay For Life this June.

A few months ago I started having strange symptoms... I'llspare you the details.  I went to mydoctor and she said it was likely stress from the fundraiser I had just beenworking on.  I absolutely loved my last fundraiser and I have experienced episodes of far greater stress and have beenjust fine.  She ran blood work, did sometests and everything was fine.  Then thenext month rolled around and more symptoms. I went back in for follow-up last Tuesday and the doctor started to getworried.  She performed a uterinebiopsy... a blast let me tell ya, and said it would be up to a week before Iknew the results.

A week?!  Wow... I didnot know how I'd get through that.  Sheoffered up a bottle of xanex which I quickly accepted.  I couldn't stop thinking about my husband and my kids.  My kids are 6 and 8... nowhere near raised.  It's them that Iworried about.

My mind started racing and my fingers flew as I sped throughevery internet site out there.  I learnedone of the first places uterine cancer spreads is to the lungs.  Yikes... I had pleurisy this past January...could it be?  Then God spoke to me andsaid to get off the internet and into His Word. To stop talking to people that "knew it all" and to talk toHim.  I immediately turned to the book ofJonah and started working on my current Bible study.  I got a pencil and started to write.  Here's what came to me:

Slow Down! Listen.  Study the Word.  Simplify. Calm Down.  Limit the noise andinput in my life.  Serve as  Christian example in everything I do whetherby faith, action or Word... a tall order I know!  I continued to read and came across a pieceof scripture I've never read before.

2 Corinthians 12:9

"... My grace is sufficient for you, for my power ismade perfect in weakness.  There for, Iwill boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power mayrest in me.  That is why, for Christ'ssake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutors, indifficulties.  For when I am weak, then Iam strong."

It's easy to praise God during the good times.  Do you praise him the bad times too?  Do you see a storm approaching in your lifeand wonder what great purpose God has in store or do you get on a boat and sailas far away as you can?  We may neverknow why we face the difficulties we do. It still leaves me completely speechless when I see a baby on chemo,when I see marriages end, when I find out a loved one is seriously sick, whenthings like 9-11 happen or why I had to lose my mother at such a youngage.  Nothing that we can imagine makesany of this okay... our thoughts are not His:

Isaiah 55:8 ""For my thoughts are not yourthoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD."

As I read the story of Jonah, it was incredible to readabout the pagans that turned into believers when Jonah told them to throw himinto the ocean because God's storm was for Jonah and not them.  They told Jonah to pray to his God so theirlives might be spared.

Who is watching you?  What are you going through right now?  Are youhandling it with grace or are you running scared?  Are you listening to God... slowing down,studying and waiting?  Are youconsidering those around you or just yourself?

Facing a death, a serious illness, injury or other difficulttime may cause you to turn inward and think of only yourself.  It's natural and not something to feel guiltyabout.  However, think for a moment aboutthose that love you.  Those that supportyou.  Have you thanked them?  Have you dropped a note in the mail to tellthem how much they mean to you?  Have youresponded to the emails and phone calls of those reaching out to you?  Are you concerned with their well being orjust your own?  Are you taking more thanyou're giving?  Are you acting in a waythat you want to be remembered, living or not? 

What will you do today thatwill shape the way you are remembered?

This experience was scary and stressful.  I am incredibly grateful that it's over andthat I am healthy.  Those that reachedout to me and offered up their prayers mean the world to me.  Thank you!

Teacher Appreciation week sweet treat ideas

My daughter's teachers listed jelly beans and dark chocolate with almonds as their favorite treats.  Rather than give them a boring candy bar or bag of beans, I thought I'd dress things up a bit.


Teacher Pills

Supplies:

Small jar with a lid (Target).  Try to get one with a smooth finish.

Candy filler

Shipping Labels (3 1/3 x 4 works well)

Publisher or other program to make labels and import clip art.

On the back of the jar, attach a fun label listing active ingredient, directions, uses and warnings.

Directions:  Turn your back to kids, shove into face

 

Active Ingredients……………………………….Jelly Bellies

Uses:  Temporarily relieves aches and pains due to: Whining, crying, pouting, drama, Mondays, Halloween, Christmas, Easter and the days following, separation anxiety, difficult parents, headache, paper cuts, field trips & conferences.

Warnings: Run and hide if symptoms persist.

I also added "Brought to you by the co-creators of (Insert child's name here)."

Here's what I did for the chocolate lover.  It's silly but fun and memorable.

These were easy to create in publisher.  I measured the candy bars and sized my document accordingly.  Next, I printed them off, cut them to size and ran them through the xyron.  I stacked 3 Godiva bars and wrapped them in plain white computer paper, placing the stickers/ label on either side. 

Teacher Appreciation Week made simple

Teacher appreciation week is upon us once again! It's time to show our teachers how much we love and appreciate all the work that goes into teaching our children.  If you're asked to chair this week, it can seem quite daunting and overwhelming.  Here are some important things to consider when planning your week:

 

1.   Delegate!

2.  Will you do one large event or something little every day?

3.   How large is your child's class, grade and school?  What are the cultures and demographics of your school? What is reasonable to complete?

4.  What are your teacher's favorite things?  What would mean the most to him or her?

5.  Change is good.

6.  A proper tool box makes all the difference!

Delegation is key.  I'm not saying this to be lazy, it really does make for a special week.  If the entire class is involved, the end result will mean more to your teacher.  Not only that, parents are more likely to take on small tasks rather than being the chairperson.  Combining ideas results in a more creative and diverse experience.  Here are some ways to delegate the week:

Have a different theme every day of the week.  Have children bring in a special item relating to the theme each day.  Here are some ideas: 

• Flower Day (one flower from each child makes a nice bouquet)
• Fruit Basket (combine to make a nice fruit bowl or basket)
• Something sweet 
•  Feed the teachers/ BBQ (have a sign up sheet for each item needed)
• Raffle
• Take the day off or have a quiet lunch to yourself: parents volunteer to supervise during the teacher's time away.
• Small gifts or combined class gift
• Class craft for the teacher: quilts, painted chairs, ceramics painted by the student, gardening stones, apron, flower pot filled with colorful flowers or plants (also good for flower day), cook book filled with family favorites and accompanying photos of the kiddos, photographs, picture frames, mural, tiled tables or trivets, posters, scrapbook, stationary.
• Themed baskets
• Books (for the teacher or the classroom).  Have your child sign the book.
• School supply restocking
• Handmade card or craft
• Recipes
• Interviews: Ask each child questions about their teacher and record them.  Their answers can be quite funny depending on their age.

Plan several events and have different parents help with each one.

Have each parent contribute money towards the event if you will be doing it by yourself.  Be sensitive to financial hardships.

Preparing food?  Consider hiring a caterer that will cut you a deal.  Go through the PTA to give a tax deduction to those businesses wishing to donate food, services or other products.  Most businesses ask for a formal request written on letterhead.  Be sure to include the 501 C 3 tax ID number.

Ask your school for help with advertising.  Try to keep it a surprise if possible.  Use their paper (if allowed), email resources, etc.

Don't take on too much.  Really... your teacher will be happier if you don't spread yourself too thin.  Doing too much one year might discourage parents from chairing or contributing in following years because the task will seem too difficult.  Keeping things simple will be easier and most appreciated.  It's also important to consider what your students are able and willing to contribute.

If your child attends a public school, consider financial hardships!  Our local public school has a large percentage of free and reduced lunch families.  Many aren't able to donate money or special items.  I couldn't figure out why I was getting tons of Papa Murphy's gift cards donated for teacher appreciation week.  There were so many of them!  A few weeks later, I drove by the pizza chain and saw a sign that said "Now taking food stamps."  Duh... I was humbled by the number of families that gave even though they didn't have much. Be sensitive to financial hardships!  If your school has their fair share of poverty, base your themes around class crafts, handmade items, food, etc.  Make sure you allow families to donate items and not just cash.  I learned that lesson the hard way.

A great way to make the week special and personal is to create a staff questionnaire.  Find out what your teachers' favorites are:  hobbies, stores, restaurants, foods (breakfast and lunch), fruit, flower, color, scent, book, candy, Starbuck's order, game, movie, way to relax, symbol of significance (cross, rainbow, butterfly), season, etc.  Don't forget to ask about allergies, dietary restrictions and foods the staff doesn't care for.  Consider the surprises you have in store for the week when making your questionnaire.  It's best to do this a few weeks ahead to allow for proper planning and consideration.

Change is good!  I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "It has to be that way because it's always been that way."  I love tradition... I really do.  However, if the way it was done in the past is too big, too old or doesn't really fit your staff anymore, consider something new.  A lack of volunteers, or lack of volunteers that aren't burned out, might indicate a need for change.  Don't compare what you're doing to what others have done in the past.  Change can be scary but things can get pretty boring if they're ALWAYS the same.  Thanks to Pintrest, change is easy!

Over the years, I have found that a collection of tools makes chairing Teacher Appreciation week so much easier.  Here are some lifesavers in my toolbox:

• Publisher/ excel/ word
• Catering/ chaffing dishes with sterno
• Cooler
• Bulk envelopes
• 2 reams of computer paper hidden in my underwear drawer where my kids can't find them
• At least 1 extra ink cartridge (black and colored)
• Brightly colored copy paper and cardstock for fliers and signs
• Cheap vases
• Baskets (thrift stores are great for this)
• Disposable table cloths
• Napkins, disposable plates and utensils
• Digital camera
• Thank you notes.  Always thank your volunteers no matter how small the job.
• Class lists with email, phone and addresses
• Individual photos of each child in the class.  Digital format.
• Donor lists (Create a master spreadsheet of local businesses that might donate goods and services).
• Learn mail merge!  Great for asking for donations for food, raffles, gifts, etc.
• Pintrest... who didn't know that?
• Your sense of humor!!!

Have fun!  This week doesn't have to be stressful if delegated and planned properly.  Your children spend a significant amount of time at school.  A good teacher can feel like part of the family. Show them how much you care!

Easy Squeegee Window Film

Being the daughter of a father in law enforcement, I grew up quite paranoid.  My Dad always told me how dangerous it was to have glass in your front door or anywhere near the door frame.  I remember staying at my Uncle's house and I was absolutely sure someone was going to break in because there was a window right by it.  Unfortunately, that did happen a number of years later.

When we were building our home, I asked the builders to adjust the door frame so we didn't have windows anywhere near it.  They weren't able to make the changes so I've learned to live with the windows.  Surprisingly, I really enjoy the light that comes through and I'm glad my builders didn't cooperate with my original request.  Still, I do wish I had more privacy.

I ran some girl scout cookies over to my neighbor yesterday and noticed she had changed the glass in her front door to a more smoked texture.  I was surprised to learn that it was a large window film that can be easily applied and removed.  I'm sorry Jennifer but I copied you!

Home Depot carries a line of widow decals and textures called "Light Effects." 

I ended up paying about $20.00 for this product.  It came in a 36x24 sheet with instructions and a squeegee.  The instructions were wrapped in with the product itself so I didn't see them right away.  The process was fairly simple:

Tools needed: 

• Tape Measure
• Pencil
• Cutting Surface
• Exacto Knife/ Scissors work too
• Yard stick or metal ruler
• Spray Bottle with water and a couple drops dish soap
• Included Squeegee

1.  Measure the window you wish to cover.  A 1/16 inch margin will insure your window film doesn't become bunched up.

2.  Using a yard stick to mark the size of your window on the film's paper backing.

3.  Cut the film out, leaving the paper backing attached.

4.  Prepare your window by washing it to remove and debris or lint. 

5.  Spray a light mist of the water and soap onto your window.

6.  Peel away one corner of the backing from your window film and apply it in the upper corner of your window.

7.  Work your way across the window, peel gradually and press the film onto the window.

8.  Adjust as necessary to remove wrinkles and to position it properly on the window.

9.  Spray the newly attached film with your water mixture to allow the squeegee to slide easily.  Use the squeegee to remove any bubbles.  Be sure to check both sides of the window for bubbles.

I love how the window looks.  It's not solid coverage but enough for some privacy.  It will be very obvious now if someone is deliberately trying to see into my house. 

Pros:

• Relatively inexpensive when compared to glass replacement
• Easy to install and remove
• No glue
• Reusable
• Easy to reposition

Cons:

• A YouTube link for installation would be very helpful
• Odor when you first put the product on your window
• Somewhat difficult to place on the window because it rolls up
• No grid lines on the paper backing
• Would love to find one that was completely opaque

Suggested uses:

• Decorative touches
• Bathroom windows where privacy is necessary
• Apartments and dorms
• Doors and surrounding windows
• Offices
• Classrooms

I rate this 5 stars for the finished product.  4 stars for ease of application and 3 stars for provided instruction. 

Inside the mind of a Stay at Home Mom... read at your own risk!

Inside the mind of a Stay at Home Mom... read at your own risk!

"I don't know how you do it! Being a stay-at-home mom is the toughest job in the whole world!"

These words, sometimes said with the best of intentions, have been said to me SO many times.  Usually, they come from women that have never had children or stayed at home. I used to think it was patronizing but now I know it's often an attempt to relate.

I recently read an article that talked about the hot buttons for mothers. "8 Things You Should Never Say to a Mom," by Charlene Prince Birkeland, reminded me of my early days of motherhood. These were the days when I was absolutely convinced that I was the only mother out there that didn't have it all together. I felt like Cinderella... just without the mice and birds.

Birkeland's first hot button is, "You look so dressed up!" Wait, what??? Don't tell a mom she looks nice?  She goes onto explain that this might make the mother wonder if she is normally viewed as a slob. Hold it... I don't know about you fellow SAHM (Stay at home moms)but I usually do have something spilled down the front of my shirt. My hair is often pulled back in a ponytail and there are at least a dozen grey hairs poking out here and there (Birkeland's 6th point: never ask why a woman went grey). Hopefully I've managed to slap some concealer onto the bags under my eyes.  They're a result of late hours of volunteer work or from worrying whether or not I put the right time on my daughter's birthday invitations. Some days, I look tired... because I am! (Birkeland's second point).

Early on in my career as a mother, I wouldn't dream of leaving the house unless I had on decent clothes and makeup.  I wouldn't even cross the street to get the mail to be quite honest. As time went on, I realized that it didn't really matter to anyone but me. If other mothers had a problem with the way I was dressed, how my hair was done or if my lack of makeup caused me to be mistaken for the yeti, big deal! Some might say this is letting yourself go. I say, it's about priorities and being realistic.  I'm not about to step on stage for the Miss America contest and I'm fairly certain ABC's talent scout isn't waiting outside my door.  I can dress up, do my makeup and hair or whatever else I decide, when I want to.

When I first started staying at home, I was consistently asked by friends and family when I would return to work. I've never really had any intention to do so because my kids need me and I'm lucky enough to have the option not to work. I used to be defensive but that's because I had no idea how busy my days would be as a SAHM. Now I hear, "Wow, you do a lot of volunteer work. You should do that professionally and get paid." Thanks. That's a compliment. I get paid by the people that benefit from my volunteer work. I've had the honor of raising money for a fantastic school, a charity that saves lives.. literally by bringing teens to Christ, and other charities that help sick children. That's a better paycheck than I ever brought home. If the right opportunity comes my way, I'll know and it likely won't be about money then either.

Birkeland continues to explain that asking another mother for a play-date might indicate that you want free babysitting or you expect her to host. If someone wants a play-date with my son or daughter, that's awesome! It's wonderful for my kids to have friends. It's even better if those friends come with a mom that wants to hang out for an hour or two. If my house is a disaster, we'll go to the park or McDonalds. I'll even admit that a tornado named Nicholas and Natalie hit late last night and there is no way I'm going to open my door... even if it was possible. My dear friend recently became a mother and nearly died of embarrassment when a neighbor stopped by unannounced.

"I was in my pajamas, my hair was a wreck and the house was a total mess. I was so embarrassed!"

I told her not to give it another thought. It was his fault for dropping unannounced and if he had a problem with the house, he could offer to clean it. In fact, if I ever comment on her house being a wreck, I've given her permission to remind me of the words I just wrote.

I must say I do agree with Birkeland about some of her points. I don't ask when a woman is due unless I see the baby crowning or she has just told me about how great, or awful, it is being pregnant. I cringe when I see a new mom, carrying her baby in the infant car seat and someone says, "Oh wow, when is your baby due." DUH! Seriously?! Even worse was the guy in this situation who said, "Dewwwdd... your babies are going to be like twins.  A newborn and another bun in the oven." I didn't know whether to slap him, get him professional help or go hug the mother that was on the verge of tears. I ran the other way. Quickly.

Finally, the "It's okay, he'll grow out of it" comment that can send me over the edge quite quickly. When my son was diagnosed with speech apraxia, it meant lots of hard work for him and for me. Hours of speech therapy, special classes for socialization, books to be read, meetings to attend and a constant fear that the boy might not ever speak a normal sentence. Now we fear he might not ever stop talking. God has a sense of humor and answered our prayers for Nick to speak.... every single prayer! Thank you God!!! I'd hear from so many people, "Oh Lisa, you just need to give it time. Kids need to be kids and he will grow out of it."

REALLY?!!!

A top Pediatric Neurologist as well as several other medical professionals don't seem to think so but let me take your expert opinion. Can you say that again slowly so I can take notes? I wish you had written a book because that's just wonderful advice.  A mother and father know their children better than anyone else. If your gut instinct tells you something is wrong, get it checked out. If you don't trust what one doctor has to say, ask another. You'll live with the doubt until you do and the fear can be paralyzing. It is reassuring however to hear that eating nothing but Cheerios, dropping things on the floor to see if you'll pick them up and an irrational fear of closets is just a phase. Please continue to tell me that. I'd also like to hear that forgetting to lift the toilet seat when you're a boy is just a phase... it is, right?

I supposed I should wrap up this rant with a point.  Stop worrying about whether or not you're doing it right.  Stop worrying if you really are cut out to have the title of MOM.  When you see your children walk across the stage to receive their diplomas, you won't be crying because the house isn't clean or the bake sale didn't yield a high enough profit.  It won't be about the promotion you didn't receive at work or the crayon on the wall.  It will be because your baby has grown up and you are proud.  You will wish for more breakfasts at home, homework to complete and soccer games to attend. 

I write this article because a friend of mine, and someone I greatly admire, confessed that she is insecure as a new mom.  I was blown away to hear her admission.  This woman is young, beautiful, confident, successful, has incredible discernment and a true heart for God.  She has nothing to be insecure about.  I read Birkeland's article and suddenly, I remembered the insecurity my friend is feeling right now.  To her I say, "You were made for this."

Is God enough?

"Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride.... oh no.. .I've got to keep on moving..."

I have this obsession with fundraising.  I can't get enough of it.  In fact, when I'm not on a big fundraising project, I become somewhat depressed.  Last year, June hit and I don't think I really got dressed and left the house for 2 weeks.  A month later, it was auction and golf tournament time so I was happy again. 

I recently had the honor and privilege of chairing Auburn Young Life's "A Reason to Dance."  This was by far the most fun I've ever had in my fundraising career.  We had 5 couples learn to dance thanks in part to a generous donation from Arthur Murray Dance of Federal Way.  Those couples danced in front of an audience of 500 people who sat enjoying their dinners served by Green River Community College.  My face hurt by the end of the night because I couldn't stop smiling as the night unfolded.  It was an absolute blast and so inspiring to hear about the way Young Life has changed the lives of so many.  It also didn't hurt that we exceeded our fundraising goal by 26%!

I'm currently working on small parts of many fundraisers but I started to go into my funk again.  I missed the excitement and energy behind A Reason to Dance and I couldn't quite come down from it.  With this on my heart, I took a seat at church this weekend and waited to hear about the mission trip our youth ministry just returned from.

I heard bits and pieces about the life changing experiences from the trip and was touched to think that my kids might experience this too.  The sermon talked about where your heart is.  I was reassured as I considered the fundraisers I've been working on.  They served God... they brought teens to God.  I had a very loving, supportive and Christian group of women encouraging and counseling me the entire time.  It was and is "all good."  I have finally learned to serve selflessly. 

BUT...

Pastor Bodwell started talking about how he is struggling to find contentment after his mission trip.  WHAT?  A pastor isn't content?  He told that the work that went into the fundraising, the planning and the actual mission itself were like his mountain to climb.  He climbed the mountain, had an incredible view and now what?  Where is his next mountain?   Of course he prayed about this and what he heard spoke straight to my heart.

"Are you content with just being with God?  Is God enough?  Or, do you have to constantly climb mountains and seek accomplishments to be fulfilled?"

WHAM!!!!  My breath became lodged in my throat as I asked myself this same question.  Pastor Bodwell was feeling the same thing I was.  There is no question his heart has been in the right place and he too is learning to "just be."  Wow! 

This is when I got a swift nudge to my ribs from the wise one sitting next to me.  The sermon continued.

Steve went on to discuss unrealistic expectations.  When we put our hopes and dreams into things and people, we are disappointed and let down every time.  It's not because these relationships aren't wonderful.  It's not because these people aren't deserving of our love... it's because no single person, possession, fundraiser, event or job can consistently be everything all the time.  Only God can answer these needs.  You've heard this before right?  Me too.  I started to sit back in my chair and passively listen.  Then I received another WHAM!!!

I can't remember his exact words so I won't quote him but Pastor Bodwell asked if I had unrealistic expectations of my kids.  Who me?  Of course not.  Wait a minute....

Who do I yell at when the house is a wreck?  After all, when I was younger I imagined a pristine house like my mother had.  I knew my children would get along as well as the two I routinely babysat and my marriage would be awesome.  Well...I've got the marriage part.  I have two kids that are great.  They are funny, loving, smart, wise beyond their years and everything I wanted and more... except they're slobs.... and they fight.... constantly.  I've just described most 6 and 8-year-olds... haven't I?  Yet I hold them to the standard I created in my mind and I'm consistently frustrated when they don't measure up to it.  Not their problem apparently.  It's also not their problem that I expected them to behave and keep their voices to an acceptable volume... that too is my problem. 

What unrealistic expectations do you place on others and on yourself? 

Who do you hold accountable for your happiness? 

Are you content? 

Is God enough? 

Please check from this Sunday's sermon to be posted on line at

http://www.mvpc.net/resources/sermons.html

Scared in Seattle

You hear about it all the time but never think it's anyone you know.  You may have experienced it yourself and made excuses or taken the blame.  You may be at the end of your rope and looking for a place to run.

• Domestic Violence plagues women of all races, ages, beliefs and classes.  It is not just a problem between a man and woman, it's every one's problem.  
• About 1 in 3 American women have been physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. (Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman's Lifespan: the Commonwealth Fund 1998 Survey of Women's Health, 1999)
• Many women do not leave.  Fear of being found, not having a place to go, lacking the financial or medical resources or denial are just some of the reasons why women stay or return to their abusers
• 40% to 60% of men who abuse women also abuse children. (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family, 1996)  If you are a mother, for no other reason than for the safety of your children, get out!

I am heartbroken as I read these statistics and search for answers for a friend.  I am also amazed to learn of the numerous resources in the greater Seattle area that provide help in numerous areas.  Several organizations are able to offer:

• Safe Houses
• Legal Aid, filing protection orders, divorces and claiming property
• Mental Health Counseling
• Substance Abuse Programs
• Medical Services
• Affordable Housing options (subsidizes housing)
• Childcare
• Employment resources

If you live in Western Washington and need help, or know someone that does, please visit the following links for help.

http://edvp.org/GetHelp/default.aspx

http://newbegin.org/

http://www.scn.org/crisis/shelters.html#women

http://www.dawnonline.org/get-help/default.htm

http://www.seattle.gov/law/domestic_violence/community_resources.htm#SHELTERS

If you know someone that needs help, please remember these important things.

1. Do not put yourself in jeopardy.  Meet your friend at a safe location away from her abuser.
2. If you or your friend are in danger, immediately call 911
3. If your friend's abuser knows where you live, do not bring her home.  Put her in a hotel or a friend's house until you are able to find a safe house.
4. Your friend may try to cover her abuse or make excuses.  No one deserves to be abused... ever!  Keep trying and don't give up.
5. Providing your friend with a go phone might just save her life.
6. Do not issue ultimatums.  Set proper boundaries but let her know that you will always be her link to safety if she decides to take you up on it. The book "Boundaries," by Townsend is very helpful when you find yourself having to make difficult choices regarding loved ones. 
7. Do not try to handle this on your own.  The psychology behind battered women is complex and deserves professional help.  Refer your friend to professionals and make sure you have the help and support you need as well.  

Good luck and God Bless!