What is in your heart?

Tonight, my kids got on stage in front of over 200 people. They sang, spoke and celebrated the birth of Jesus. This is heartwarming in and of itself but my tears seemed out of place to those that didn’t know me.

My son has speech apraxia. It’s a nasty disorder that makes people unable to articulate their brilliant thoughts and emotions. My son understands everything that is said to him but he can’t always speak his mind. Sometimes his motor skills are delayed because of this apraxia. I hate this disorder and we fight it with everything we’ve got everyday. Just when we thought we were out of the woods, a severe stutter plagued my son this past October. His progress has been steady but slow. I know God will fully restore his speech and give him a confidence that lacks arrogance.

Many people have insisted on labeling him. I have fought to keep him from being categorized as someone that should be pulled out of class and thrown into a “special needs environment.” Why? I have seen how people quickly pass judgment on children needing these services.

So imagine my rage tonight when I read a post on a friend’s wall.

"Remember the boy in our children's class last year with a mental/social disorder and his "violent" outbursts? Well, my oldest has another one in her class this year. He always has a Para following him, too. “Daughter’s name here came home last month and told us she almost got jumped by him. During class, she felt a pair of eyes blazing at her while listening to the teacher's lessons. She glanced to her left and all of a sudden he lunged towards her! Good thing she has quick reflexes and got out of her chair fast. Got escorted out with the Para. He had another episode during PE where he grabbed a girl and scratched her arm. And NOTHING is provoking this kid! I DO have a problem with the parents thinking that their child with "special needs" needs to be integrated with the public when the child has violent tendencies. I am all for meds if they need them. Private school is tempting and might have to research the high schools nearby. Not worried about the guns, but those "kids" with the guns and their future."

Our nation experienced one of the worst, most horrific tragedies ever this past Friday. We later learned that the shooter had aspergers. We learned that he had serious mental health issues and yet our nation decided to engage in a huge debate about gun control rather than how we help those with poor mental health. I don’t know this person so I can’t ask her questions to clarify exactly what she meant. However, I’ve heard so many people say things like this and have come to learn that their motives were hateful and ignorant.

The first boy mentioned in this post was a child I encountered quite often. He was scared, overwhelmed and out of control. The first time I experienced one of his outbursts, I went under a table because I thought a shooting had broken out. When I got to know more about his story, I tried desperately to help de-escalate his fears. It took courage but my heart broke for this young man. I felt that the school was taxed on personnel and resources to properly help this child but I never considered him “another one of those.”

America, wake up! Stop wishing that children with special needs would disappear into the back rooms of the school... or attend a different school entirely. All children are blessings. All have special talents and gifts. Many of the children with special needs have incredible gifts and talents that this world misses out on. Stop referring to children by their diagnosis. Your child is not an aspie, autistic, a stutterer, or bipolar. Your child is a blessing that might be afflicted by a disorder. This is not their identity! Children that experience spectrum disorders are not automatically a risk of committing atrocities like those witnessed over the past few weeks. The children at risk are those that are ostracized rejected, judged and made to feel that they aren’t good enough. The biggest problem in this country isn’t guns, a fiscal cliff or other political issues. It’s a lack of compassion and an unwillingness to help those at risk. Before you write to your senator, examine your heart and your actions.

10 Things I've Learned From My Kids

1.  Penmanship really does matter

• If you write and spell well, it's all lost if nobody can read it.  In our world, penmanship is so much more important since we have become accustom to reading everything in perfect print online.
• The letters "c, k, o, s, u, v, w, x and z" will forever frustrate me for the reasons mentioned above.

2.  2 wrongs don't make a right

• He told me to
• Painful but true, "but you did it too"

3.  There is a time to be focused and a time to daydream.  Don't discount the importance of either.

• Listen to and encourage the dreams of your children
• Help them learn to stay focused in even the noisiest settings
• Take time to daydream

4.  Expect the best, understand good enough and never settle for anything less.

5.  Prayers work... always.

• Sometimes the things we want the most would be the worst for us
• Even when we are unaware, things will work out the way they are supposed to for the greater plan

6.   Sometimes, less is more.

• Don't become so over scheduled that you can't take time to enjoy the little moments that life are made of.
• If you expect perfection from yourself, your children won't attempt new things unless they too can be perfect.
• If it doesn't make a difference, what difference does it make?

7.  Hold children accountable

• Much past the age of 5, allowing them to blame Mom or Dad for a forgotten coat or misplaced assignment isn't acceptable.  Turn it back on your kids... make them accountable!
• Chores are not slavery
• Every once in a while, a failed assignment is worth the teachable moment.... I need to remember this one!

8.  Focus on the positive but don't be afraid to set boundaries and enforce rules

• When your child is listing of negatives, make them say at least 3 positive things about the situation (thank you S.C. for this insight!)
• Be consistent in rules, discipline, and never miss a chance to praise.

9.  Don't be afraid to cry in front of your kids

• Don't be a basket case or make your children serve as the parent BUT show them it's okay to express emotions
• Showing emotion makes your children more comfortable to show their emotions

10.  If you mess up, say you're sorry

Dealing with teacher conflict

We just finished summer break and  let me be the first to say that teachers are unique and golden.  Don't get me wrong, I love my children dearly. At times, my breath is taken straight from my throat as I watch them grow.  The last few weeks of summer brought a lot of fighting, "he started it", " I was just, " and many more that I'm kindly blocking from memory right now.  This is the FIRST time in 8 years that I am kid free from morning till afternoon.  I'm sure I have romanticized the ideas of having a perfectly clean house, empty laundry basket and the gourmet meals I will cook.  Hopefully I'll meet these ideas midpoint and at least get 5 good workouts in weekly.  I'm sure I won't read all of the books on my list or see the blockbuster movies I hope to but the idea is somewhat exhilarating.

When our children come home and complain that their teacher was mean to them, as mothers we tend to experience a range of emotions from that moment we first held our little ones to the moments we considered hiring a full-time nanny and leaving on an extended business trip to Timbuktu.  I tend to error on the side of the first moments of their lives.  

I've always been in awe of bears.  Consider this... as bears, you sleep all winter, you're furry and you sleep all the way through winter.  Hungry? Go catch a few salmon for lunch.  No game warden to remind you that there's a catch limit.  Need to go to the bathroom.. no worries, the world is your oys... toilet!  So it's no wonder that I often resort to momma bear-like tendencies.  

Here are a few tips to surviving the school year when your child comes home feeling a little beat up.

1.  Consider their mental status.  Were they up late the night before?  Was there a birthday party that day that offered up a sugary cupcake? Have there been family changes lately?  Over scheduled perhaps?

2.  What point is it in the school year?  Have the teacher and your child developed rapport?  Does your child really understand how the teacher communicates?  What about the teacher and his/her understanding of your child?

3.  What is your teacher's personality?  Do they tend to tell you all of the day's happenings or do they highlight the highs and lows?  Keep things in perspective!

4.  If it doesn't make a difference, what difference does it make?  (Boy do I need to remember this one!!!)  Keep perspective.  A low score on a reading unit does not mean your child needs to move back a grade in reading.  What it can mean is that the unit was about material your child was completely removed from.  Ever  try reading tax code or a really badly written chick lit book?  Chances are you wont' recall most of the material.

5.  Does your child need additional help?  Have your teacher take notes about performance during the day.  Compare it against his/ her schedule to determine if these outbreaks tend to happen at the same time each day.  This could indicate the need for dietary, sleep or supplement changes.  Furthermore, your child  may have challenges with the subject matter being taught at certain points of the day.  If repeated stories come up relating to recess, it might help to drop in on recess from time to time.  You'd be shocked how understaffed recesses can be.

*Get help.  Contact local pediatric therapy groups, consult a pediatric neurologist or your pediatrician.  Keep going until you have an answer you believe in!!!  I can't stress this enough!!!  GET A SECOND OPINION!!!!!!!!  Don't first resort to medication.  Try other resources before meds... although there is definitely a time and place for meds.  Consult dietitians and nature paths... there's not as woo woo as you might think.

6.  Who is your child's peer group?  How does he refer to these people?  Do you find that he/she makes good choices when interacting with these children?  Do these friends build him/ her up or tear them down... also a good consideration for Mom and Dad's peer group!

7. On an IEP?  First... don't settle!  Do not sign anything that you aren't comfortable with!  You might feel pressured to do so but remember, this is your child!  Secondly,  resist the urge to change things up right away.  As super-moms, we try everything we can... and I mean EVERYTHING!!! We call every expert we can and then we draw conclusions based on our research.  If you're nodding, I applaud you, give you hugs and pat you on the back.  Without you, our children would fall between the cracks and become statistics.  Continue to listen to your gut and press on.  BUT, you knew there was "but" didn't you!  Consider how important consistency is!  Try not to change up an IEP change for a quarter... unless you know in your heart that intervention is needed.  Then, watch out... Momma Bear is coming!  Finally, make sure you know the current IEP laws and consider hiring an advocate or IEP attorney.  Nobody else is going to quarterback your child... it's up to you!  This is a blog entry on its own!

8.  ALWAYS, talk to the teacher first.  A child can quickly blow a situation out of proportion.  After reading the book Peacemakers and the Bible, I can tell you that both advocate contacting the offender directly.  Your teacher sometimes spends more waking hours with your child than you do.  Your child will most often act differently at school than at home.  Your teacher has probably taught hundreds of kids and might have a trained prospective... and sometimes not.

9.  If your teacher suggests there's a problem... they're not supposed to diagnose your child!!!... don't bury your head in the sand and pretend the problem doesn't exist!  Seek help!  Make sure that you're on the right page.  It's so easy to overlook problems with out loved ones.  It often takes a professional opinion... and sometimes an excellent google search (I'm only somewhat kidding there), to really figure out what's going on with your child.  Get help for your child and don't be afraid.  Do you remember being that kid?  The kid that was afraid to ask the stupid question?  As you aged, you realized that many had the same challenges and questions.  Be the hero and don't be afraid to get the therapy, counseling and or medication your child requires!

10.  If your teacher isn't acceptable, report it immediately and don't stop!  If your principle smiles and tells you it will all be okay, make sure she/he follows through.  Follow up with an email.. here goes a rant.  I love email!  Email is a friendly, written record that holds both parties accountable, clear up misunderstandings and is searchable.  All of these are critical to help your child.  If it's not really "okay," call the Superintendent.  Go to his/her office... go to school board meetings... don't stop until you have a solution that works!  Finally, consider private school.  Smaller class sizes and a Biblical approach have been the answer for us!

11.  Re-evaluate your school every school year.  What might work for your child one year, might not work the next.  While consistency is important, what year are you willing to mark in your book as "not important?" Public or private, education is not free.  If any other vendor/ utility failed to deliver on their promises, we would demand a refund... why do we not demand the same for our children?

12.  Your educators are your partners, not your adversaries!  Work with your teachers and administrative staff to help your children under times of duress.  Meet, again and again until your children and teachers are happy.

13.  Enough is enough!  Is your child keeled over in an emergency room with an anxiety attack... yes, this did happen!  Pull him/ her out!  I don't care how far along it is in the school year, move classes, schools, home school... stock up on wine.. .whatever is needed and do it now!  I pulled my child in mid-March without a place to land.  Filled with uncertainty and apprehension, I can't tell you how wonderful this ended up!  In hindsight, I should have been throwing a party (balloons and margaritas to boot!) because the transformation that happened to our entire family was one I can't possibly describe.

Finally, thank your teachers for a job well done. An encouraging note, a simple thank you or a Starbucks the day after Halloween never hurt.

Shark Week!

My daughter has had a loose tooth forevvveeerrrr!  I kept expecting it to turn stark white and become a gaping hole any day but it has stayed the same since late May.

At about 4 AM this morning, she came into my room and was crying because her tooth hurt.  I assumed it was about to fall out as I stumbled out of bed to turn on the bathroom light.  She opened her mouth and what I saw definitely woke me up.  My daughter has shark teeth!  Not only had her loose tooth not fallen out, her permanent tooth had poked up waaayyy behind the baby tooth. 

I quickly recalled the years of braces that my husband and I went through and figured that if anyone was going to have kids with messed up teeth, it would be us.  As dollar signs flashed in front of my eyes, I turned to google which is  my expert on call medical opinion when my friend "Nurse Jenny" is asleep. Thank God!  Children turning into sharks are not only common but nothing to be worried about.  Luckily my dentist confirmed this a few hours later.  So, if you see this, calm down.  Now, if you see horns growing out of your child's head and it's the end of summer... I've heard this is also normal.  Cheers to September!

Live to eat? No more!

“Everyone in my family has died of cancer so I might as well enjoy life now, eat what I want and not kill myself exercising.”

“Everything causes cancer. If you try to eat healthy, you eat too many pesticides. If you eat meat, you are eating hormones. Drink wine, one week it’s good for you the next week it isn’t.”

“Food is too important to me to give up. If my life is shorter but I can eat what I want, so be it.”

“I’m on cholesterol drugs so I can eat whatever I want.”

“I worked out today so it’s okay if I have a burger, fries and a shake... again.”

Over the past week, I’ve heard these comments. What a slap in the face they have been. I’ve said the majority of them myself. I woke up.

I have many friends that embrace the paleo lifestyle. They work out routinely, eat their fruits and veggies and take care of themselves. I’ve always envied them... never thought it was for me. I woke up.

I’m fat. I have been fat since I was 9 years old and first went on weight watchers. I’m not fat because I’m covering up some pattern of abuse... unless you count the way I have been eating as abuse. I’m fat because I love food. Nothing more. I love food and I’m not one for the gym. I woke up.

This past January, I came down with pneumonia and pleurisy. I had no choice but to seek out a doctor closer to home. I found one within a couple miles that happens to share my beliefs and passions. I thought he’d throw some antibiotics at me and send me on my way. While he did put me on a strong dose of something, he loaded me up with vitamins. What? Vitamins? Yes... a novel idea I know. Guess what? They work... if you take them.

A couple months later, I was having some strange symptoms that sent me in a tailspin worrying about uterine cancer. Turned out I was okay.. praise Jesus! I thought I was done... my doctor had other ideas. A few weeks later, I had 6 pages of blood work staring me in the face. A full lipid panel was what the doctor ordered. This thing not only told me my total cholesterol but told me if I was eating often enough... shockingly I was not. The numbers were colored green, yellow and red. It looked like someone had bled all over my report. Tons of numbers in the red. I’m no doctor but my background in business tells me that numbers in the red are never a good sign.

More vitamins... lots and lots of vitamins. Add a statin to my list and another drug or two and I swallow 26 pills in a day. Not fun but completely worth it. A new addition to my list of prescriptions? “Read the book, “Eat to Live by Joel Fuhrman,” my doctor told me.”

“Oh great, another book about willpower. Something to tell me to dip my fork into salad dressing instead of pouring it all over my salad. Something touting how great eating off of a smaller plate really is because it tricks your mind. I get to read about how great exercise is and how a little bit will make a difference,” I thought.

Reluctantly, I downloaded the book and started to read. What I read shocked me. Maybe I shouldn’t have been that surprised. It’s not like I’ve never been told to eat more fruits and veggies, less fat and to move more. The book went into further detail.. I can’t give the book justice so you’ll have to read it yourselves. What I found was that the majority of cancers out there are directly linked to the diets we are eating that are rich in animal proteins. A study done called the “China Project” explained this in great detail. I kept reading.

At the end of the book, I was fired up... ready to take on a healthy lifestyle. I started trying to plan meals and freaked out. I was becoming vegan! What?! I’m a republican...I can’t be a tree hugging vegan! I panicked and started my search for vegan recipes. Even more discouraging news. Everything I found was pasta and bread based... don’t these people know anything?

Now, I was searching for low-carb vegan recipes. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t do this?

I persevered and followed the plan: 1 lb raw vegetables a day... oh boy was that new to my digestive system! 1 lb cooked veggies, 1 cup of beans, 1 oz of nuts and 4-6 different fruits a day. Thank God it’s summer!  No processed foods, NO white flour (no bread are you kidding me?!!!), no animal protein, no fats...

Have you ever sat down with a bag of Salt and Vinegar chips? They’re so good it’s ridiculous. A saving grace for me is that they usually pickle the roof of my mouth and I can’t handle eating more than half the bag before I have to put them down. As I made room for the cans of beans I had just purchased, I found a bag of these chips! OH CRAP! I freaked out. Then I started thinking about what they would taste like... I didn’t want them!! They didn’t sound good to me. I continued sorting and came across chocolate. Didn’t want that either! What in the world was going on? Was I sick? Yes, very sick. Sick with cholesterol, high glucose levels, low levels of fitness and a heart that can’t keep up. I finally connected these horrible foods to cancer. I connected them to heart disease, to diabetes, to health problems that have sent me to more funerals than I can count. These foods could have been the ones that sent my children to my funeral too early. They don’t sound so good now do they? I woke up!

I have been on the plan for 6 weeks and I have dropped 20 pounds.  I have added lean meats like chicken, fish and turkey but in small quantities. I’m nowhere near where I want to be but it’s a start. I can pass on things that used to be my red light foods. I allow myself one cheat meal per week. Read that, ONE MEAL, not one day. I find that the cheat meal usually doesn’t taste as good to me as it used to. I also find that I am so full, I often can’t finish the meal or just don’t want to.

Thank you for reading my story. I hope this serves as motivation to those that need it. I also hope it will create a more supportive network than I am already blessed with.

Double your pantry space

I have this old oak bookcase that doesn't really seem to fit anywhere in my home.  It was a gift from my parents when I graduated college so I didn't want to part with it.  As a result, it has resided in my formal dining room for years... empty and unused.

I love our home and there are really only a few things I'd change about it.  The main thing that frustrates me is the small pantry.  Small pantry, meet empty bookcase!  After bolting the bookcase to the wall, I filled it with excess pantry items which freed up tons of space.  Next, I went to Home Goods and picked up a set of neutral curtains. A quick run through the sewing machine to take a little length off and a tension rod did the trick.

What pieces of furniture are in your home that could be re-purposed?  I took an old changing table and used the shelving for games, the top for assorted craft items and paper files.  What about an old dresser?  Remove the drawers, place boards across the supports and it makes for a nice shelving unit.

Here's the panty project.  The curtains will be ironed soon =)

 Adjustable shelving makes this great for canned goods and taller items as well.  I've used the bottom portion for larger decorations, my cupcake holder and maybe my mixer.

Curtains that have grommets allow for easy access because they slide back and forth with ease.

I used a very neutral panel because I host holiday events in this room.  For a less formal area, consider a fun print or bright color. A shower curtain might work well depending on the height of your shelving unit.

Sunscreen- things to know

It's a beautiful day here in Seattle which means everyone is showing quite a bit more skin than normal.  Many will have trouble sleeping over the next few due to sunburns.  Do you know everything there is to know about sunscreen?  I certainly do not but I recently read an article in Real Simple that was "Real Helpful."  If you're like me, you're lucky if you find the time to read the January issue of your favorite mag by June.  Here are the key points I found most helpful.

SPF- What does it all mean?

• SPF (Sun Protection Factor) refers to the protection the sunscreen offers.  Consider the time it would normally take your unprotected skin to burn.  For me, it's as little as 15 minutes... my red headed daughter even less.  Take that 15 minutes (or whatever your skin can handle) and multiply it by the SPF.  That's the average number of minutes the SPF will offer protection.  So, if it takes me 15 minutes to burn normally, an SPF will offer (15x15= 225 minutes or 3 hours and 45 minutes) of protection.  

If you're doing errands and won't be out in the sun for extended periods of time, consider a lower SPF.  Don't forget there are advantages to sun that us Seattleites can forget after 9 months of grey.  If you live in predominately overcast climates, chances are you're lacking this vitamin.  If you're going to the beach or sunbathing, go higher.  Remember that as the SPF increases, so does the amount of chemicals in your sunscreen.

How high should I go?

• Research has shown diminishing returns on SPF's higher than 30.  Some studies have shown only a 1%-4% increase in protection between an SPF of 30 versus one 40 or higher.

Now, don't forget that sunscreen isn't really waterproof.  Resistant?  Yes.  Not waterproof.  Researchers say that if you're in the water for 40 minutes, it's time to reapply.  In the water for 15 minutes?  You can take 2 more 15 minute dips before the sunscreen has likely worn off.


UVA/ UVB and Broad Spectrum:

• You can get bogged down in detail on this so I'll keep it simple.  UVB rays burn (B=Burn).  UVA rays are not to be ignored as they can also lead to skin damage and cancer.  UVA will also add a few years to your skin so be sure to get a sunscreen that protects against both UVA and UVB rays.  To protect against skin cancer, premature aging and other harm, buy sunscreens labeled "Broad Spectrum."  This means the product blocks against both UVA and UVB rays.

Is there a difference between sunscreen and sunblock?  

• Cosmetic physician Dr Jamuna Pai says, "Sunscreens allow a little filtering of UVB rays in the skin,      whereas sunblock contain zinc oxide that deflects the UV rays from the skin altogether."  
• Conflicting information says that no product will actually block sun rays 100%.  According to a recent Marie Claire article, companies are banned from calling their products "sunblock" for this reason.

REAPPLY!!! 
My poor daughter looked like a tomato when we went to Cabo.  We couldn't figure out why an SPF of 60 wasn't sufficient.  The trick is to reapply every couple hours, even more if you're in the water.  For the average adult, a shot glass amount will usually suffice.

The little things matter!
Talk to any dermatologist and he or she will tell you the most common places for skin cancer are on the lips, nose and the tops of the ears.  Why?  People forget to apply sunscreen to these areas.  My dad had his entire bottom lip removed because of normal sun exposure to his lips.  It doesn't take much!  Buy a lip balm with an SPF of 30 to get the most protect.  Reapply consistently as it will wear off quicker from eating and drinking.


Happy Summer!