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When our children come home and complain that their teacher was mean to them, as mothers we tend to experience a range of emotions from that moment we first held our little ones to the moments we considered hiring a full-time nanny and leaving on an extended business trip to Timbuktu. I tend to error on the side of the first moments of their lives.
I've always been in awe of bears. Consider this... as bears, you sleep all winter, you're furry and you sleep all the way through winter. Hungry? Go catch a few salmon for lunch. No game warden to remind you that there's a catch limit. Need to go to the bathroom.. no worries, the world is your oys... toilet! So it's no wonder that I often resort to momma bear-like tendencies.
Here are a few tips to surviving the school year when your child comes home feeling a little beat up.
1. Consider their mental status. Were they up late the night before? Was there a birthday party that day that offered up a sugary cupcake? Have there been family changes lately? Over scheduled perhaps?
2. What point is it in the school year? Have the teacher and your child developed rapport? Does your child really understand how the teacher communicates? What about the teacher and his/her understanding of your child?
3. What is your teacher's personality? Do they tend to tell you all of the day's happenings or do they highlight the highs and lows? Keep things in perspective!
4. If it doesn't make a difference, what difference does it make? (Boy do I need to remember this one!!!) Keep perspective. A low score on a reading unit does not mean your child needs to move back a grade in reading. What it can mean is that the unit was about material your child was completely removed from. Ever try reading tax code or a really badly written chick lit book? Chances are you wont' recall most of the material.
5. Does your child need additional help? Have your teacher take notes about performance during the day. Compare it against his/ her schedule to determine if these outbreaks tend to happen at the same time each day. This could indicate the need for dietary, sleep or supplement changes. Furthermore, your child may have challenges with the subject matter being taught at certain points of the day. If repeated stories come up relating to recess, it might help to drop in on recess from time to time. You'd be shocked how understaffed recesses can be.
*Get help. Contact local pediatric therapy groups, consult a pediatric neurologist or your pediatrician. Keep going until you have an answer you believe in!!! I can't stress this enough!!! GET A SECOND OPINION!!!!!!!! Don't first resort to medication. Try other resources before meds... although there is definitely a time and place for meds. Consult dietitians and nature paths... there's not as woo woo as you might think.
6. Who is your child's peer group? How does he refer to these people? Do you find that he/she makes good choices when interacting with these children? Do these friends build him/ her up or tear them down... also a good consideration for Mom and Dad's peer group!
7. On an IEP? First... don't settle! Do not sign anything that you aren't comfortable with! You might feel pressured to do so but remember, this is your child! Secondly, resist the urge to change things up right away. As super-moms, we try everything we can... and I mean EVERYTHING!!! We call every expert we can and then we draw conclusions based on our research. If you're nodding, I applaud you, give you hugs and pat you on the back. Without you, our children would fall between the cracks and become statistics. Continue to listen to your gut and press on. BUT, you knew there was "but" didn't you! Consider how important consistency is! Try not to change up an IEP change for a quarter... unless you know in your heart that intervention is needed. Then, watch out... Momma Bear is coming! Finally, make sure you know the current IEP laws and consider hiring an advocate or IEP attorney. Nobody else is going to quarterback your child... it's up to you! This is a blog entry on its own!
8. ALWAYS, talk to the teacher first. A child can quickly blow a situation out of proportion. After reading the book Peacemakers and the Bible, I can tell you that both advocate contacting the offender directly. Your teacher sometimes spends more waking hours with your child than you do. Your child will most often act differently at school than at home. Your teacher has probably taught hundreds of kids and might have a trained prospective... and sometimes not.
9. If your teacher suggests there's a problem... they're not supposed to diagnose your child!!!... don't bury your head in the sand and pretend the problem doesn't exist! Seek help! Make sure that you're on the right page. It's so easy to overlook problems with out loved ones. It often takes a professional opinion... and sometimes an excellent google search (I'm only somewhat kidding there), to really figure out what's going on with your child. Get help for your child and don't be afraid. Do you remember being that kid? The kid that was afraid to ask the stupid question? As you aged, you realized that many had the same challenges and questions. Be the hero and don't be afraid to get the therapy, counseling and or medication your child requires!
10. If your teacher isn't acceptable, report it immediately and don't stop! If your principle smiles and tells you it will all be okay, make sure she/he follows through. Follow up with an email.. here goes a rant. I love email! Email is a friendly, written record that holds both parties accountable, clear up misunderstandings and is searchable. All of these are critical to help your child. If it's not really "okay," call the Superintendent. Go to his/her office... go to school board meetings... don't stop until you have a solution that works! Finally, consider private school. Smaller class sizes and a Biblical approach have been the answer for us!
11. Re-evaluate your school every school year. What might work for your child one year, might not work the next. While consistency is important, what year are you willing to mark in your book as "not important?" Public or private, education is not free. If any other vendor/ utility failed to deliver on their promises, we would demand a refund... why do we not demand the same for our children?
12. Your educators are your partners, not your adversaries! Work with your teachers and administrative staff to help your children under times of duress. Meet, again and again until your children and teachers are happy.
13. Enough is enough! Is your child keeled over in an emergency room with an anxiety attack... yes, this did happen! Pull him/ her out! I don't care how far along it is in the school year, move classes, schools, home school... stock up on wine.. .whatever is needed and do it now! I pulled my child in mid-March without a place to land. Filled with uncertainty and apprehension, I can't tell you how wonderful this ended up! In hindsight, I should have been throwing a party (balloons and margaritas to boot!) because the transformation that happened to our entire family was one I can't possibly describe.
Finally, thank your teachers for a job well done. An encouraging note, a simple thank you or a Starbucks the day after Halloween never hurt.
