Scared in Seattle

You hear about it all the time but never think it's anyone you know.  You may have experienced it yourself and made excuses or taken the blame.  You may be at the end of your rope and looking for a place to run.

• Domestic Violence plagues women of all races, ages, beliefs and classes.  It is not just a problem between a man and woman, it's every one's problem.  
• About 1 in 3 American women have been physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. (Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman's Lifespan: the Commonwealth Fund 1998 Survey of Women's Health, 1999)
• Many women do not leave.  Fear of being found, not having a place to go, lacking the financial or medical resources or denial are just some of the reasons why women stay or return to their abusers
• 40% to 60% of men who abuse women also abuse children. (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family, 1996)  If you are a mother, for no other reason than for the safety of your children, get out!

I am heartbroken as I read these statistics and search for answers for a friend.  I am also amazed to learn of the numerous resources in the greater Seattle area that provide help in numerous areas.  Several organizations are able to offer:

• Safe Houses
• Legal Aid, filing protection orders, divorces and claiming property
• Mental Health Counseling
• Substance Abuse Programs
• Medical Services
• Affordable Housing options (subsidizes housing)
• Childcare
• Employment resources

If you live in Western Washington and need help, or know someone that does, please visit the following links for help.

http://edvp.org/GetHelp/default.aspx

http://newbegin.org/

http://www.scn.org/crisis/shelters.html#women

http://www.dawnonline.org/get-help/default.htm

http://www.seattle.gov/law/domestic_violence/community_resources.htm#SHELTERS

If you know someone that needs help, please remember these important things.

1. Do not put yourself in jeopardy.  Meet your friend at a safe location away from her abuser.
2. If you or your friend are in danger, immediately call 911
3. If your friend's abuser knows where you live, do not bring her home.  Put her in a hotel or a friend's house until you are able to find a safe house.
4. Your friend may try to cover her abuse or make excuses.  No one deserves to be abused... ever!  Keep trying and don't give up.
5. Providing your friend with a go phone might just save her life.
6. Do not issue ultimatums.  Set proper boundaries but let her know that you will always be her link to safety if she decides to take you up on it. The book "Boundaries," by Townsend is very helpful when you find yourself having to make difficult choices regarding loved ones. 
7. Do not try to handle this on your own.  The psychology behind battered women is complex and deserves professional help.  Refer your friend to professionals and make sure you have the help and support you need as well.  

Good luck and God Bless!