Scared in Seattle

You hear about it all the time but never think it's anyone you know.  You may have experienced it yourself and made excuses or taken the blame.  You may be at the end of your rope and looking for a place to run.

• Domestic Violence plagues women of all races, ages, beliefs and classes.  It is not just a problem between a man and woman, it's every one's problem.  
• About 1 in 3 American women have been physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. (Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman's Lifespan: the Commonwealth Fund 1998 Survey of Women's Health, 1999)
• Many women do not leave.  Fear of being found, not having a place to go, lacking the financial or medical resources or denial are just some of the reasons why women stay or return to their abusers
• 40% to 60% of men who abuse women also abuse children. (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family, 1996)  If you are a mother, for no other reason than for the safety of your children, get out!

I am heartbroken as I read these statistics and search for answers for a friend.  I am also amazed to learn of the numerous resources in the greater Seattle area that provide help in numerous areas.  Several organizations are able to offer:

• Safe Houses
• Legal Aid, filing protection orders, divorces and claiming property
• Mental Health Counseling
• Substance Abuse Programs
• Medical Services
• Affordable Housing options (subsidizes housing)
• Childcare
• Employment resources

If you live in Western Washington and need help, or know someone that does, please visit the following links for help.

http://edvp.org/GetHelp/default.aspx

http://newbegin.org/

http://www.scn.org/crisis/shelters.html#women

http://www.dawnonline.org/get-help/default.htm

http://www.seattle.gov/law/domestic_violence/community_resources.htm#SHELTERS

If you know someone that needs help, please remember these important things.

1. Do not put yourself in jeopardy.  Meet your friend at a safe location away from her abuser.
2. If you or your friend are in danger, immediately call 911
3. If your friend's abuser knows where you live, do not bring her home.  Put her in a hotel or a friend's house until you are able to find a safe house.
4. Your friend may try to cover her abuse or make excuses.  No one deserves to be abused... ever!  Keep trying and don't give up.
5. Providing your friend with a go phone might just save her life.
6. Do not issue ultimatums.  Set proper boundaries but let her know that you will always be her link to safety if she decides to take you up on it. The book "Boundaries," by Townsend is very helpful when you find yourself having to make difficult choices regarding loved ones. 
7. Do not try to handle this on your own.  The psychology behind battered women is complex and deserves professional help.  Refer your friend to professionals and make sure you have the help and support you need as well.  

Good luck and God Bless!

Comfort Food

It can be a helpless feeling to hear a loved one has been diagnosed with something terrible.  Saying, "Let me know if you need anything at all," often sounds like a hollow gesture and doesn't convey how badly you might want to make things better.  Everyone has a unique way of helping.  Some offer childcare while others clean.  Many pray while a few might send cards or flowers.  I cook.  You won't find me making cookies or cinnamon rolls because I presently loathe baking.  What you will find is me standing in the middle of a chaotic kitchen as I crank out meals to fill my friend's freezer.  It's really a selfish thing to do on my behalf.  It helps me to feel less helpless... and it fills my freezer at the same time as I triple the recipes.

It can be difficult to find recipes that others will like as much as you do.  Finding something that freezes well can be another challenge.  Below, I've listed some of the dishes I like to make in these situations.  I hope that these will help you comfort yourself and others.
*Helpful hints:

• Be sure to check for food allergies and make the necessary adjustments to the recipes listed below.
• Using disposable bake ware makes this so easy.  Don't burden your friend with the need to return Tupperware or dishes.
• Label all food with the date, your name, serving instructions and ingredients.  It's kind of fun to make a small recipe book to give along with your kitchen creations.  
• Be sure to tell the person preparing the food that everything has plastic wrap on it and that it must be removed prior to cooking/ reheating.
• Consider attaching motivational quotes or Bible verses to brighten your friend's day.
• If it's too overwhelming to make all of this at once, do it over the course of a week and deliver at the end of the week.
• Always cool your food prior to freezing
• Buy in bulk!  Consider Costco or Winco foods and look for specials and coupons
• This is a great thing to do with neighbors.  If you were to gather 5 neighbors and have each neighbor make 5 of one dish and then swap, you would have 5 night's worth of meals that you didn't have to cook.
• If your friend is sick to his or her stomach or on chemo, check for food aversions.  If your friend is breastfeeding, be sure not to make anything too spicy and avoid tomato based dishes.  It's a good idea to run your menu past the family prior to grocery shopping.
• Do this out of love.  Do not expect anything in return

Chicken & Wild Rice Casserole (From the kitchen of Judy Grinnell)

Ingredients:

• 1 package wild rice mix prepared as directed
• *2 boxes and 6 chicken breasts may be substituted for larger groups
• 1 Cup Chopped Celery
• 1 Medium Onion, Chopped
• 1 Cup Sliced Water Chestnuts
• 3/4 Cup Mayonnaise
• 4 Chicken breasts, baked and diced
• 2 Cups Cream of Chicken Soup
• Sour Cream & Onion Potato Chips (Crushed) about 2 cups

Instructions:  Mix all ingredients and place into a 9x13 inch sprayed baking dish.  Cover with crushed potato chips.  Cover with plastic wrap and foil.  Freeze.

To Serve:  Thaw casserole and bake one hour at 350 degrees.

Chicken Soup from real broth

Ingredients:

• Prepared Rotisserie chicken from Costco or similar store (Have this for dinner and save the carcass)
• 3-4 stalks of celery, sliced
• 3-4 carrots, peeled and sliced
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 1/2 lbs chicken pieces from the rotisserie chicken, cubed
• salt and pepper to taste
• 2-3 bay leaves (do not multiply when doubling the recipe)
• Large package of egg noodles
• Fresh parsley
• Homemade broth (6-8 cups depending on preference)

Instructions:  Remove chicken from carcass and place into a large stock pot.  Cover the carcass with water so that the water level is about 1.5-2 inches above the carcass.  Bring to a boil and simmer for about and hour.  Remove the carcass and strain the broth to remove any sediment.  Allow to settle and skim the top to remove fat.   Return broth to the stock pot and add all ingredients except the noodles.  Simmer for 1 hour.  Add noodles and cook according to the instructions on the package.  Season with salt and pepper to taste.  Remove bay leaves before freezing or serving.

Baked Ziti
1 lb dry ziti pasta
1 onion, chopped
1 lb ground beef
2 (26 oz) jars spaghetti sauce
6 oz provolone cheese, sliced
1.5 cups sour cream
6 oz mozzarella cheese, shredded
2 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese

Instructions:

1. Lightly salt a pot of water and bring to a boil. Add pasta and cook until al dente (usually about 8 minutes).  Drain and set aside.
2. Brown onion and ground beef in a large skillet over medium heat.  Add spaghetti sauce and simmer for 15 minutes.
3. Grease a 9x13 baking dish.  Layer in the following order:
4. 1/2 of ziti, provolone, sour cream, 1/2 sauce mix, remaining ziti, mozzarella and remaining sauce.  Top with parmesan cheese.
5. Cover with plastic wrap and foil and freeze after cooling.

Serving:  Allow pasta to thaw and bake 30 minutes at 350.  Serve with a green salad, garlic bread and a nice cabernet or chianti.


Stuffed Bell Peppers (great for crock pot)
Ingredients:
1 lb ground beef
1 onion, chopped
1 package Spanish rice, prepared as directed
2 cans tomato sauce
4-6 peppers, red and orange make for a sweeter pepper

Instructions:  Combine cooked rice with hamburger, onion and 1 can of tomato sauce.  Slice the tops off of the peppers and remove seeds.  Stuff peppers with hamburger mixture and (if freezing), wrap individually in foil.  Place all peppers into a large ziplock baggy and freeze upright.

Serving:  Place unwrapped peppers in crock pot and cover with 1 can of tomato sauce.  Cook on low for 8 hours.

Roast Chicken and stuffing
Roast Chicken
Ingredients:

• 1 fryer chicken, insides removed
• 1 lemon (Quartered)
• 1 bulb of garlic(Cut the pointed end off)
• 1 onion (quartered, no need to remove skins)
• Rosemary if desired
• Kosher or sea salt 
• Pepper
• Paprika
• Olive Oil

Instructions:  Wash and pat dry the bird.  Lightly salt and pepper the inside.   Stuff lemon, garlic (no need to remove the skins), onion and a few sprigs of rosemary into the cavity of the bird.  Lightly baste the bird in olive oil and rub with kosher salt, pepper and paprika.  Place the bird into a ziplock bag and freeze.

To serve:  Thaw and cook in the oven at 425 degrees for 1-2 hours.  Check with a meat thermometer to insure it is cooked through.  If desired, reserve juices and add small amounts of flour while whisking constantly to make gravy.

Stuffing:  (Sausage, apple and cranberry)
Ingredients:
10 cups Sourdough bread cubes (boxed or stale)
1.5 lbs bulk sausage
2 Tablespoons Butter
2 cups diced onions
2 cups diced celery
Sea salt and course ground pepper
2 golden delicious apples
1 Cup toasted walnuts *CHECK FOR NUT ALLERGIES and leave out if needed
1/4 cup chopped fresh sage
2 TB fresh chopped rosemary
1 TB fresh thyme
1 Cup chopped fresh parsley
2 eggs
2 Cups chicken stock
1/2 cup melted butter

Instructions:  Place bread cubes into a very large bowl and set aside

• Heat a medium skillet and stir in sausage.  Cook until it crumbles and is no longer pink
• Drain and add to cubed bread
• Melt 2 tablespoons butter in the same skillet and saute onion and celery until onion in translucent (about 5 minutes).  Season with salt and pepper.
• Add to bread crumbs and stir in apples, cranberries, nuts, spices and herbs.
• Whisk chicken broth with eggs and pour over the bread mixture along with 1/2 cup melted butter.
• Stir until absorbed and pack into a 9x13 greased baking dish.  Cover with plastic wrap and foil.  Freeze.

Serving:  Thaw and bake 30 minutes at 350 degrees.  Remove foil, stir and continue to bake until browned.

Teachers, comparing apples to lemons

It happens every summer. Parents wait anxiously to hear which teacher their children will be spending the year with. Through the underground network, there are known A+ teachers and others that are well... lemons. It might be your unlucky year that you end up making lemonade, praying that the year will go quickly and smoothly. Unfortunately, these years often end up as what I like to call "marinating years." Your child might not regress but he or she just doesn't progress the way you had hoped and ends up playing catch up the next year. Thanks to our broken educational system, these teachers are protected and even rewarded with tenure.

I have heard some arguments that seem to justify these lemonade years.

"My Principal will not appreciate being told that I don't want this teacher."

"My child will learn to deal with difficult people from this. Every year can't be a winner!"

"If everyone requested a teacher, it wouldn't be fair because not everyone's desires could possibly be met. "

While some of these responses are a positive take on an otherwise negative experience, sometimes they're just not true. No, a Principal won't like being told that you don't want a particular teacher. What the Principal likely wants to hear about is the environment that your child will succeed in. After all, who knows a child better than his or her parent? Do not approach the Principal with negative comments about the "lemon" of the grade. Approach her with positive and glowing remarks about the teacher of choice. Point out specific attributes about that teacher that are a strong match for your child's learning style. This will be far better than approaching the Principal mid-year as you explain why your child needs to be pulled from a particular class.

• Observe all teachers for the grade your child will be entering. Watch for classroom organization, modifications to teach to the individual learning styles, feel and layout of the classroom, discipline styles, workload, attitude and the teacher's willingness to allow parents into the classroom.
• Be sure to send handwritten thank you notes to all of the teachers you observe
• Ask parents about their experiences. This will tell you a lot.
• Be involved. You will get a good feeling for the attitudes and personalities of the instructors if you spend more time with them.

"My child will learn to deal with difficult people from this. Every year can't be a winner!"

Your child will learn to deal with difficult people anyway. I promise that your child will find another peer, specialist or staff member that isn't a match made in heaven. Why make your child's classroom the source of conflict and angst for an entire year? Think about it this way. If you were to take your car in for an oil change and the staff was rude to you, refused to listen to you and left the drain plug out, would you return? NO! Whether you want to admit it or not, we all pay for public education through our tax dollars. So why in the world would you take your children, your most valuable asset, and not demand the same care and attention that your automobile might receive? It's ludicrous! What school year are you willing to throw away? Is second grade not an important year? Is it okay for your child to just slide by? NO again!

"If everyone requested a teacher, it wouldn't be fair because not everyone can have their way. "

Guess what? The majority of parents don't request teachers. From personal experience, I can tell you that most parents aren't involved. I've heard parental involvement referred to as the "STP". The Same Ten People that do everything. Some schools are lucky if there are 10 parents! Not everyone is asking for a specific teacher. Remember that you're requesting something and not demanding it. No, this scenario wouldn't be fair if everyone was asking and it's certainly not fair that lemons are protected by a teacher's union. We're not dealing with a fair world so do not fall victim to this excuse.

My son attended a school that had an impossible Principal. When a parent would request a teacher, this Principal would make sure the student was not placed in the desired class. In fact, he went so far as to place the student in the class parents wanted least. This can happen but it is rare. At that point, go to your school board and present your case. Most parents don't even know where the district office is, let alone do they know the Superintendent's name. You'll likely make large strides if you have to pursue this route.

There will be years that, despite your best efforts, you will end up with a lemon. The best teacher for one child might be the worst for your child. You may not have any other options. If you find yourself in that situation, here are some important things to remember:

• Do not criticize the teacher in front of your child. This will only make your child more miserable and teach him to disrespect authority figures. Your attitude will definitely show on the face of your child.
• Keep communication open. Volunteer as much as you can at the school or in the classroom. Keep up on what your child is learning so you can supplement and enrich these subjects at home. It is your responsibility to teach your child, not the school's.
• Examine the issue closer. Is it you as a parent that has a problem with this teacher or is it your child? A "mean" teacher might really be a teacher that is strict and has high standards. This "meanie" might be your child's best teacher. If your child is doing well and seems to be happy, grit your teeth and keep chugging along.
  
• If it gets bad enough, call a meeting with the teacher. If that doesn't work, include the Principal or other district administrators.
• Consider a different school, even if it's just for a year. If your district allows waivers, check out your options. Private schools might have openings as well. The cost might overwhelm you but if it's just for part of a year, it might be worth the sacrifice. If you're patient enough and have the discipline, consider homeschooling for the remainder of the year.

Although rewarding, parenting is a tough job. The strong Republican in me used to cringe when I'd hear Hillary Clinton explain that, "it takes a village to raise a child." I used to scoff at that remark and roll my eyes. As my children got older, I ate my own words and realized that it really does take a village. I like to refer to it as a tribe. My tribe is led by God. He has put very special people in my family's lives to help us raise His children. It's my job to make sure I seek out those people and make them part of our tribe. Good luck fellow warriors!